Ok so it happened again, this time discovered by my brother. Our water seems to be in the habit of growing upwards. We still don't know whats causing it...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
The About Me Section
I’m green to blogging but I already like it. The ability to express oneself at any given moment for the world to see and also experience is a beautiful gift. I could also see it becoming a daily fix, much like lyrics a part of my everyday routine. At this very moment, I am in solitude. Blasting out small but powerful Logitech speakers 16,685 people chant for their favorite. The sound of the two wrestlers hitting the mat bounces off the wall and echos throughout the apartment. My cousin is watching the pre-recorded live stream of the WWE’s Royal Rumble. To my left, mellow voices with heartache in their tone drift my way. My mother locked in on her soap operas. In the distance I can hear a singing Hannah Montana doll being squeezed to the point of power outage- my little sister imitating the Disney star. With all this around, it is still only you and I. Anyways I should get on with this, I noticed the “about me” section that should be in my profile and I thought: Well this is what the blog is about really. Its about me, its about you, its about the world. How we interpret it, I’m only including every memory I can remember because one day I just might not remember. And I have a pretty interesting life if I do say so myself. Ok, seriously this is a letter that was written to me by a female I met at Clark Atlanta University. If you want an “About Me” the best place to start is with my tattoos, they explain who I feel I am. She went as far as to write to the 3 different people she saw inside of me. This is the about me section....
12/5/2005
Mr. Heat,
I realized that I could never have loved you because I never knew the real C. Heat. Instead, I knew Innocence, Guilt, and Guilty Pleasure. It was those three that I grew to care for, comprehend, and understand. This letter might seem completely irrelevant or pointless on your behalf, but I had to write this to fuse everything from my heart to your heart together. I now know I can never take the place of any other girl that you have every loved, but it was fun as I tried to believe that between us there could possibly be a future. I remember telling you I had never loved before, and you told me you were not in love with me but you did love me. Since, I don’t know who I fell for, I have split this letter into several parts, allow each person it is addressed to comprehend the thoughts of my heart and then allow yourself to understand my pain…..and why I must leave before my I stop crying water and cry blood from the pain my heart felt and the anguish my soul contains.
Sincerely,
Miss Jackson
P.S. If you feel the urge to write back, please do!
Innocence,
It was the soft and sensual look you extended to me that ignited hidden fantasies about you, not to mention it was mixed with confusion. You calmly took my hand and that gentle embrace shot a soothing rush to my heart. No wonder it was easy for you to become part of me after hours of knowing each others existence. Never did I really know you…therefore I couldn’t console you or uphold hold you and for that I apologize. Please note you kept a place in my body because your sweet embrace took loneliness out of me…confused because now I know it wasn’t you I loved but lusted.
Your friend,
Miss Jackson
P.S. Through darkness shines light, and if you feel the need to write back, I am open for a response.
Guilt,
Late nights I spent contemplating your existence and how your life affected my heart and I realized for you I contained a strong since to nurture. Your street ways filled my maternal void to guide you because I felt your life was headed down the wrong path. I apologize to you for thinking I could influence you to change your life to benefit mine. That was selfish of me! You kept a special spot in my heart for allowing me to find emotions within that I didn’t know existed. So now, I know that it was you I respected, but did not love!
Hugs and Kisses,
Miss Jackson
P.S. Only if it’s within you, Please write back!
Guilty Pleasure,
I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND SINCE I COULDN’T HAVE YOU, IT HAS CAUSED AN EMOTIONAL DRAIN ON ANY POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP I TRY TO FORM. It was you that filled every void that I could possibly need filled. You gave me the best of C. Heat, Innocence, and Guilt, and for that I thank you. You showed me that nothing is as it appears. I thank you for that also! It pains me to have to grow apart from you, but I must. Although you brought so much good out of me, you also brought out something that I never dreamed I would display…JEALOUSY! I was so jealous to the point that I despised every girl you held near and dear to heart. I despised every girl that uttered your name; I despised every girl that was not me. Why, because you were the answer to a prayer that I extended to the Lord for a very long time. I slowly gave you all of myself and in return you gave me parts of you. I apologize for not being your ideal partner, lover, or friend, but you were all those to me. It hurts to honestly admit to myself that I am not what you were searching for, but the truth hurts. It also hurts me to admit it, but…you and India are made for each other. I await the day you both realize it and stop hiding behind society, pride, and other relationships. I will always love you…..maybe one day you will love me back in the same sense that I love you!
Love You for All Eternity,
Miss Jackson
P.S. It is you I await an answer! Please don’t keep me waiting long!
“Never leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.”
“The Best things in life are unseen….you do you think we close our eyes when we cry, sleep, and dream!”
Eviction Day
The day is soon to come to pass/
Queens, New York Will have gotten rid of us at last/
They making way for the success of College/
Denying us the proper utensils to feed ourselves vital knowledge/
Families put on the streets, women and children/
They didn't worry before about the asbestos in our buildings/
Murders and killings/
Making millions/
As much as the cocoa and soda/
Not to mention helping NYPD reach its quota/
TO be realistic/
I'm no more than a statistic/
Who's vocabulary is considered illicit/
And appearance explicit/
No arrangements for the young elderly and the poor/
No assistance for Brenda from 3rd floor/
Can't wake up out this American dream/
Cash rules everything around me, but I have no cream/
Not enough to provide for my fam/
And then I’m locked and thrown away for handling grams/
This is there intent on my lifespan/
First they took our throne/
Now they take our home/
Just take it, is what the government has shown/
The first to murder, rob, cheat and steal/
Teach me not to feel/
For the opposition/
And then after acting out what I was taught I’m thrown in prison/
I didn't have a war to fight till u made me a soldier/
Couldn’t peddle rocks till u tossed me a bolder/
Where will Southside when the man of the morning/
Move us out the way to make way for the foreign/
Turmoil/
Restored in the soil/
Of this project block/
Money talks and the money wants these turned into co-ops/
How better to explain/
The mind frame/
Of our leaders/
Are acts of the student reflections of the teachers? /
Who doesn't want to teach/
Who can they reach/
Not me, nor the youth/
Harsh but it’s the truth/
Their loss, far as I think it through
But soon my crib will be filled students and no one gives a damn/
I guess we weren't making good enough use for the land/
Eviction day....
I wrote this sometime in 2007 after speaking with my brother on the phone, he told me York College was trying to buy Southside 40 projects and turn some of the buildings into co-ops and the other into dorms. I thought this would mean everyone in the projects would have to be relocated and sent to other projects throughout New York. In fact, a date had not been decided but once it is the residents of Southside Jamaica would have 3 years to either make enough money to pay for the co-ops or find their own way. The elderly are not exempt; they too must find their own way. I don’t like to talk about problems and just talk, I feel the point of a problem being brought up is to its solution. But how do you save a whole neighborhood? Maybe the deal has fallen through but they haven’t set a date on 40’s yet. However my Aunt in Brooklyn has been informed she has 3 years to vacate her apartment, along with my cousin Sean, Shakeeah and Charlie who’s autistic. I remember something like this happening on my way out of Morehouse, low income housing was being bought, and demolished while new buildings were taking their place. Didn’t surprise me that the natives responded in kind by robbing students, I myself was an attempted victim but I honestly didn’t have anything to give. Some say the projects and low income housing residents are part of the decay upon the city they inhabit, I think differently…
Queens, New York Will have gotten rid of us at last/
They making way for the success of College/
Denying us the proper utensils to feed ourselves vital knowledge/
Families put on the streets, women and children/
They didn't worry before about the asbestos in our buildings/
Murders and killings/
Making millions/
As much as the cocoa and soda/
Not to mention helping NYPD reach its quota/
TO be realistic/
I'm no more than a statistic/
Who's vocabulary is considered illicit/
And appearance explicit/
No arrangements for the young elderly and the poor/
No assistance for Brenda from 3rd floor/
Can't wake up out this American dream/
Cash rules everything around me, but I have no cream/
Not enough to provide for my fam/
And then I’m locked and thrown away for handling grams/
This is there intent on my lifespan/
First they took our throne/
Now they take our home/
Just take it, is what the government has shown/
The first to murder, rob, cheat and steal/
Teach me not to feel/
For the opposition/
And then after acting out what I was taught I’m thrown in prison/
I didn't have a war to fight till u made me a soldier/
Couldn’t peddle rocks till u tossed me a bolder/
Where will Southside when the man of the morning/
Move us out the way to make way for the foreign/
Turmoil/
Restored in the soil/
Of this project block/
Money talks and the money wants these turned into co-ops/
How better to explain/
The mind frame/
Of our leaders/
Are acts of the student reflections of the teachers? /
Who doesn't want to teach/
Who can they reach/
Not me, nor the youth/
Harsh but it’s the truth/
Their loss, far as I think it through
But soon my crib will be filled students and no one gives a damn/
I guess we weren't making good enough use for the land/
Eviction day....
I wrote this sometime in 2007 after speaking with my brother on the phone, he told me York College was trying to buy Southside 40 projects and turn some of the buildings into co-ops and the other into dorms. I thought this would mean everyone in the projects would have to be relocated and sent to other projects throughout New York. In fact, a date had not been decided but once it is the residents of Southside Jamaica would have 3 years to either make enough money to pay for the co-ops or find their own way. The elderly are not exempt; they too must find their own way. I don’t like to talk about problems and just talk, I feel the point of a problem being brought up is to its solution. But how do you save a whole neighborhood? Maybe the deal has fallen through but they haven’t set a date on 40’s yet. However my Aunt in Brooklyn has been informed she has 3 years to vacate her apartment, along with my cousin Sean, Shakeeah and Charlie who’s autistic. I remember something like this happening on my way out of Morehouse, low income housing was being bought, and demolished while new buildings were taking their place. Didn’t surprise me that the natives responded in kind by robbing students, I myself was an attempted victim but I honestly didn’t have anything to give. Some say the projects and low income housing residents are part of the decay upon the city they inhabit, I think differently…
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Great Help
This is a video of me and Great on our way to get the laptop fixed. We was manuevering through Jamaica ave. when we came across a woman who needed help...
Ice Cube
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Raised to Cheat
I think I was raised to cheat on women. If going by what the man that many educational institutions believe to be the father of psychology (Freud) and his Oedipus theory one can argue that point. The theory basically says: every man wants to be intimate with his mother. With that being noted this would mean a boy would have an attraction for women who imitate his mother during his developmental stages. So, if you was raised by more than one woman, would you have a desire for more than one woman? One not being enough to fill that void from your adolescents? For instance, if your mother is mad at you, who do you go to? If you have a father more than likely him however, if you are raised by other women your choice could be a grandmother or aunt maybe a cousin. I stress immediate family in this argument because these women would have to be playing the role of your mother at one time throughout the everyday of your upbringing. Point being, the attention from all these different women throughout the early stages in life imprint emotionally on a young man, giving him a sense, urge or need to have more than one woman. When one is mad, the other one still loves you. Although they may not all know it as well as yourself, they all have special places with you because they are their on entity but collectively are perfect. This of course is all relative and cannot be applied to every cheating man known in history but I do believe it can be found true in some cases. I think I was raised to cheat....
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